i received an email saying i was hacked and my life is over.
they say they put a minor who attested they were an adult
on the video sexting website i was using
and had them record themself sexting with me.
they say they put a minor who attested they were an adult
on the video sexting website i was using
and had them record themself sexting with me.
they say they're gonna send it to everyone i know.
they know my address and my email.
they know my address and my email.
they told me i'm a monster,
and they're the good guys
hunting monsters
in the dark corners of the internet.
and they're the good guys
hunting monsters
in the dark corners of the internet.
how did i end up here?
in this dark corner?
in this dark corner?
sexting online is the very last place i want to be,
but i'm so fucking tired, hurt, horny, exhausted,
i just want to scream,
and this feels like my scream.
but i'm so fucking tired, hurt, horny, exhausted,
i just want to scream,
and this feels like my scream.
into the abyss of the internet...
someone catch me...
no is one here to catch me.
someone catch me...
no is one here to catch me.
in fact, all there is
are more and more people
who want to fuck me over again and again.
are more and more people
who want to fuck me over again and again.
i ended up here because you raped me in real life
and now you want to fuck my whole life over here too,
claiming i'm the problem.
and now you want to fuck my whole life over here too,
claiming i'm the problem.
no, i was not thinking about minors misusing the site,
i'm fucking dying inside, trying not to drink,
my chronic pain has my legs in flames,
and my bipolar and PTSD has me unable to think or sleep.
i'm fucking dying inside, trying not to drink,
my chronic pain has my legs in flames,
and my bipolar and PTSD has me unable to think or sleep.
no, i was not thinking about that.
sorry for being such a monster...
sorry for being such a monster...
what was i thinking about?
i was thinking about the assault,
and the discrimination i was going through,
and the genocide that's happening,
and whatever the fuck else is going on in our country,
and the fact that i'm too disabled to do what i need to,
and my life is falling apart.
and the discrimination i was going through,
and the genocide that's happening,
and whatever the fuck else is going on in our country,
and the fact that i'm too disabled to do what i need to,
and my life is falling apart.
but yet i was somehow reckless?
negligent, you say?
by using an 18+ site,
where everyone attested they were an adult.
negligent, you say?
by using an 18+ site,
where everyone attested they were an adult.
oh and i'm the creeper?
how could i dare to use a site
that other people might misuse.
i was supposed to notice
it was being misused, right?
how could i dare to use a site
that other people might misuse.
i was supposed to notice
it was being misused, right?
guess what, i was focused on staying alive,
not fixing yet another problem in the world.
not fixing yet another problem in the world.
i just rechecked the fucking website.
and it is still online, the same as before,
and still requires 18+ attestation.
and it is still online, the same as before,
and still requires 18+ attestation.
millions of people use it,
but somehow the trans woman is always
the fucking monster.
but somehow the trans woman is always
the fucking monster.
Context:
In 2024, I received multiple letters claiming that some people hacked me and discovered that I was using an 18+ platform for video sexting. They accused me of using this site in an illegal manner to connect with minors, claimed they nonconsensually obtained videos of me, and asked for money. I viewed this as a sextortion scheme and did not respond.
My defense for my behavior is that my intention in using the site was solely to connect with consenting adults looking for the same. I also believe I exercised reasonable caution by using a site that was publicly indexed on Google, that millions of people use, and that required all users to attest they were 18 years or older. In the event I encountered someone who I thought might be misusing the platform, my response was to skip and/or report them, similar to other platforms. Thus, I did not think a small number of users potentially misusing a platform was reason for me to not use it.
Relying on self-attestation for age and reporting suspicious behavior is standard practice on 18+ dating, hookup, and sexting platforms, which millions of adults use daily. Expecting me to meet some higher (undefined and unclear) standard is unrealistic and ignores my mental health and life circumstances at the time. While some may judge me for spending time on platforms which they feel can be exploited for harm, feeling comfortable in and acclimated to high-risk spaces is also a trauma response that is common among people who have experienced violence and abuse, such as myself.
In this way, my behavior did not represent an intent to cause harm but reflected a coping mechanism shaped by my own past experiences of harm.
At the time, my use of the platform was personal. I was healing from sexual violence that had left me with significant trauma symptoms, managing mental health conditions that caused hypersexuality, and coping with chronic pain, social isolation, and discrimination experiences. Using this site was both a coping mechanism and a form of harm reduction, helping me to avoid greater risk-taking behaviors related to in-person sex or alcohol use that could have seriously harmed me or others.
After these events, I read more about these types of platforms and how they can be abused by people, which I had not been deeply considering when I was using them during stressful periods of my life. At that time, I committed to only using adult entertainment platforms with ID-based verification. I have also made other changes in my life. I developed a personal code of ethics to guide my online sex work and online behavior, and I participated in inpatient and intensive outpatient mental health treatment to reduce my mental health and trauma symptoms and strengthen my ability to make healthy choices.
I write further about these experiences in "14. no one is going to believe me."
another trust crisis #9 by Lyra McMahon