My name is Lyra McMahon (artist name for Dielle Lundberg).
I created this project because there are only a few things that feel more frustrating to me right now than being judged for my choices without people understanding the full context that shaped them. In particular, I am concerned with people forming opinions about me around sex and online connection without knowing the full story of what I have gone through in trying to find a safe outlet for my sexuality as a queer and transfeminine person.
So—I thought it made sense to put it all out there, even if it feels extremely vulnerable.
Over the past decade and a half, I have experienced countless forms of gender-based violence, including sexual harassment, assault, manipulation, and online exploitation. These experiences deeply shaped how I've navigated the world, how I've understood risk, and how I've sought connection in environments that often felt unsafe, all while at the same time navigating the challenges imposed by disability and madness in an ableist society.
For me, use of online spaces was not about fun or being reckless. They were typically harm-reduction strategies. They were ways of seeking connection in a world where connection has often been distorted by violence, transphobia, and ableism.
This project is about refusing to be flattened into a narrative that strips away my complexity, lived experience, and the realities of being a queer and transfeminine person navigating both connection and danger. It is also about recognizing that people are often quick to try and impose moralized narratives, rather than to engage with full truths, like mine.
The project consists of 15 entries, each one consisting of a poetry, some contextualization of the poem, and a piece of visual art. The visual art was created from nude photos of myself covered and concealed with layers of scribbles. Interpret the metaphor as you will.
The writings in this collection represent my personal perceptions, emotions, and experiences. Identifying details have been intentionally altered or removed wherever possible. This work is intended as a statement of my experience and reflections, and is not intended as an accusation or claim against any individual. It is not an attempt to hold anyone to account (other than myself in a few situations where I took responsibility and grew), and it is simply about me no longer carrying these experiences in silence.
In recognition that this project could potentially be someday viewed by people who impacted me and who I wrote about here anonymously, I have included brief messages “to the person this is about,” describing the repairative actions I would hope for from them.
These messages reflects a restorative and noncarceral approach to justice.
These messages reflects a restorative and noncarceral approach to justice.
Throughout this project, I am not only documenting what happened to me, but I have also created an evolving resource hub of information I wish I had been given—ways of navigating situations as a queer person that are often misunderstood or stigmatized. This includes external resources and resources I am creating specifically for the project.
It was not entirely my choice to have my story visibilized. However, I am choosing to tell it fully here, on my own terms, and to try to make an impact by doing so.
I don't really trust anyone these days.
There have been too many trust crises for me to keep trusting people.
But this project is a big step forward in trusting myself.