14. no one is going to believe me

you never expect someone to research
every person you ever connected with
on a dating app
or had sex with,
but that happened to me,
seriously...

and out of hundreds,
probably thousands of interactions,
they've picked a couple,
and are trying to make a story out of them.

that i have somehow sought young people
or been negligent in my interactions.

but what do you want me to do?

i used 18+ apps,
everyone attested they were at least eighteen,
i almost always asked people their ages.
i ended interactions if i thought something was off.

that's what normal people do.
that's responsible behavior.
you can't control 
if someone decides to misrepresent themself

like this guy, you keep harassing me about
he told me he was twenty-one,
he was on an 18+ app,
he said he was coming from work,
and now you're telling me he was 16,
even though i'm pretty fucking sure that isn't true
and you're just saying it
to fuck with me and my OCD
because you know i care
about trying not to cause harm to people.

my only intention was to interact with adults.

beyond that, i was in my twenties
it was acceptable for me to connect with
adults older and younger than me.
connecting with a 21 year old wasn't weird.
and i also have a limited dating pool
because of who i am gender-wise.

if you go through ten years of dating,
and pick out a couple of isolated examples,
and use that to try to tell a story to the public
that i'm some kind of creep or predator,
you can probably do that.

and guess what,
i'm a trans woman.
so no one is going to fucking believe me
if you try to change the narrative.

in fact, a bunch of folks will be ever too eager
to use this to try to destroy me,
and to invalidate all my political beliefs,
and everything that i try to do
to create positive change in the world.

so thanks for that,
for playing with fire...
and for fucking with my life...
and endangering everything
that i've worked so hard to build and survive...

hope it's been fun for you.

In periods of mental health crisis (such as hypomania, mania, and hypersexuality related to PTSD and bipolar disorder), I routinely used 18+ dating and video sexting websites/apps. At times, I connected with other adults who were meaningfully younger (and older) than me. These interactions were within spaces where everyone present had attested that they were adults, and I was also not intentionally seeking out people who were younger than me. However, I recognize that I was not as attentive as I could have been to age differences and power dynamics. I also did not fully consider the broader risks associated with these platforms, including the possibility that they can be misused by minors or people engaging in trafficking and other exploitation. This reflected a gap in my awareness.

I wrote further about my actions, the reasons behind them, and the behavior change I implemented in response to improve my digital safety and ethics in "9. attestation".

Overall, I learned from these experiences and continue to care deeply about (1) consent in relationships, (2) the safety and well-being of young people, and (3) the safety for queer and trans people who find themselves targeted in online spaces, as I was.

As part of a community "art project" I have been engaged with, my entire sexual history has been investigated and scrutinized. This project has subjected me to daily harassment and frequent false allegations. I acted in good faith, took reasonable precautions to verify ages, and never intended to connect with anyone underage. The standard they are holding me to—never having sex and never using online platforms—is simply unrealistic, especially for someone like me managing hypersexuality related to bipolar disorder. I am fully entitled to use adult platforms and make choices about my sexuality, just as any other adult can.

Importantly, the daily harassment I have experienced as part of this community “art project” has caused me a huge amount of distress and required intensive mental health treatment to survive and manage. This harassment is intentional gender-based violence and is psychologically abusive. It deliberately targets my OCD triggers related to fear of causing harm to others to manipulate and control me and try to make me feel ashamed. This harassment is deliberate and has continued despite my private and public requests for it to stop. If I am subjected to further scrutiny, formal investigation, or other bad-faith attacks, I will not interpret these as genuine feedback on my behavior. Rather, I recognize them as part of the ongoing pattern of abuse directed towards me.

Finally, I do not believe I would have ever experienced this level of scrutiny, nor would I have endured many of the original incidents, if I were not a marginalized trans woman.